If you are a Christian looking for help to enable you to have better boundaries, this article will help you to identify four reasons why you have weak boundaries. Before you can set stronger boundaries, you have to understand why yours are weak in the first place.
You don’t trust your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. If you don’t trust your thoughts, feelings and perceptions, you will doubt your convictions and decisions. You will have difficulty believing that what you want and need is valid. This will make it difficult to take any stand in a relationship and almost impossible against someone who is strong and difficult. James 1: 6 tells you that you cannot ask for something when you aren’t fully convinced it is right.
You would rather give in to keep the peace. If you fear conflict and would rather give in, you won’t be willing to pay the price of setting boundaries that might cause friction in the relationship. Boundaries require you to risk rocking the boat and upsetting the other person. Keeping the peace at all costs will mean you will shy away from doing anything that upsets the status quo. Romans 12:18 says you should do whatever you can to keep the peace in a healthy way, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up your beliefs.
You think being a good Christian means passively tolerating anything. Christians mistakenly believe that Jesus’ model was one of tolerance and passivity when it was actually the opposite. Jesus was confrontational and hard-hitting when it came to confronting sin and wrong-doing. He wasn’t afraid to speak the truth directly with the purpose of convicting people of sin. He also protected himself by removing himself from people who were going to hurt him up until he CHOSE to go to the cross for a higher purpose.
You know the person won’t respect your boundaries anyway. When you are struggling with developing boundaries and you already know the person won’t respect them, it is harder to set your boundary because you are already figuring out if you have the strength to follow through with whatever consequence or action will be needed.
If your boundaries are weak because of any of these four reasons, work on correcting the reason before you begin to set boundaries.